"United we bargain, divided we beg."

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

My Latest Craigslist Posting

Free Chicken Livers - Lots! (Ferndale)

Date: 2011-06-07, 4:38PM PDT
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

I have fifteen pounds of chicken livers in my freezer. Nothing wrong with them - these are commercially purchased, grade A chicken livers meant for an event that never happened. I like liver just fine, but there's no way I want to wrangle with fifteen pounds of them, so they are yours if you do.

What, you don't know what to do with fifteen pounds of chicken livers either? Okay, here's a couple of ideas off the top of my head:

1) Throw an ironic, retro Trader Vic's style tiki party and make 500 rumaki appetizers. Add a bunch of pineapples, Rum based brightly colored drinks, and a hundred paper umbrellas. If you can swing it, have a Las Vegas style erupting volcano, too.

2) Pretend you are Alice Waters or somebody like that and make 18 subtly different liver terrines based on the 18 provinces of France (or however many there are). Invite forty five of the most pretentious people you know. Have several gallons of rustic but amusing red wine and many loaves of crusty peasant bread. Try to arrange your yard to look like Languedoc in August of 1931.

3) Throw a birthday party for your dog. Invite all his doggie friends. Stuff a pinata full of lightly boiled chicken livers. Laugh at all the dogs trying to hold sticks between their front paws.

4) If you are a science nerd, and have a lot of geeky science nerd-type friends, arrange a liver-hurling contest to see who can build the trebouchet or catapult that hurls a chicken liver the farthest. I suggest a minimum of twenty feet, and that there is a spending limit of $100 in parts. Maybe the prize could be season passes to your local Observatory or Space-atorium or whatever the hell sciency-type stuff you all like.

5) Conversely, if you are a frat-boy, you could stage a re-enactment of the famous scene from Cool Hand Luke. "No Man Can Eat Fifty Raw Chicken Livers!" I'll lay down fifty bucks here and now that that there is a true statement. Videographic proof required to collect.

I'm sure now that I've primed the pump, you can think of many more ways to use fifteen pounds of chicken liver. Delivery can be arranged, but I'm not going to walk into any frat houses with a big bag of liver over my shoulder. What do you think I am, stupid?

Location: Ferndale
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2427232630


Able-Bodied Girl said...

this rocks my world.

can you make pate with them? can you offer them to a local upscale restuarant?

i'd take them and do the trebuchet thing, but i'm really far away (i think) ....

Gail V said...

I make a great pate, from the old Joy of Cooking book, which my husband snarfs up by the pint.
15 pounds is a helluva lotta pate, though, a cholesterol nightmare, I think--

Anonymous said...

OMG too funny. I was perusing CL free stuff and saw this ad and I THOUGHT OF YOU! From reading your blog, I get that you try to save money, like to barter etc. I was going to alert you to this ad. And then I pop over and guess what - it's you. By the way, funny write up, perhaps that should have been a clue to me but I just started my first cuppa.
Best regards, Kitty in Bham