A Typical Day

Here's the pig. And yes, it is in fact in the bathtub. Here's how my day went yesterday:

7:30.  Kids wake up. Feed kids. Go get my coffee. Feed goats, chickens, and alpacas. Milk goats. Finish cheese from yesterday, salt and form.

8:15   Wake Homero. Feed Homero. Kiss Homero goodbye.

9:30  Go meet beet lady at Fred Meyer. Buy 10 pounds of trimmed beets. Drive around looking for Peach guy's farm to pick up the crate of peaches I ordered yesterday. Find it. Spend a half hour talking to really cool farmer who makes his own biodiesel and was a mechanic for 27 years. Make plans to go back tomorrow with Homero. He'll want to meet this guy. Mileage: about 30.

12:00 Feed kids. Start to rake mown grass into haystacks until cheap rake breaks. Make a mental note to buy a new rake. Cruise Craigslist, find an urgent message from a guy who says "Help! My goat can't walk. I think she needs toenails trimmed. Can you help?" Call and make plans to go out to guy's house at 6:30.

1:00 Talk to my sister. Accept offer of five free chickens; make plans to go to her house after helping  goat guy. Talk to L. and make plans to meet her and pick up piglet. Go to farm store and buy pig starter and hardware for gate. Mileage: about 45

3:00 Drive out to some farm out in the county to meet L. for piglet. Get piglet, spend a nice 20 minutes chatting with them about stuff. They say our tough chickens were just old, that's all. Take piglet home. Put hook and eye on pig pen gate, with much cursing and swearing because I don't have a drill and I have to screw in the screws with my fingers and a rock.  Observe that Iris can open it. Repeat process with the other hook and eye in the package (good thing they come in twos) with more swearing. Milk goat. Put piglet in and feed him goat's milk and pig starter. Observe that the goats jump the fence and eat all his food. Hit goats with a stick and shout. Repeat. Repeat. Give up and go inside.

5:00 Dare anyone to bother me for the next half hour.

5:30 Clean out van enough to put dog crate in it. Find cardboard and duct tape to use as a door for the dog crate, which will be chicken transportation. Find goat hoof trimmers. Head for goat guy's place.

6:00 Discover that I don't have goat guy's address or phone number. Must have thrown it away when I cleaned out the van. Try to remember verbal directions. Drive around.

6:30 Find goat guy's place. Be totally appalled at condition of goats. Do my best with the hooves of the one female who can't walk (there are also three bucks who are still walking, but also have not had hooves trimmed in two years) and feel like crying but keep my game face on. Recommend veterinarian. When that is not well received, recommend that since these are meat goats anyway, it's probably time to let them be meat. Smile. 

7:30 Go to sister's house. Flop on couch, realize I reek of stinky billy goat balls and hoof rot. Mooch clean clothes. Mooch food for my kids. Mooch beer. Call Homero; hear that he is still at garage.

8:30 Get chickens in car. Accidentally let one escape.

8:40 Catch chicken. Start drive home. Check phone; see that Rowan has called. Call Rowan; learn that piglet escaped and was returned by "an older guy with grey hair and a grey mustache" and is now in the bathtub.

8:45 - 8:55 Implore the Lord that the nice guy with the grey hair and grey mustache was not our neighbor who brought back all the chickens, but realize that it probably was. Try to call Homero. Phone dead.

9:30 Arrive home. Mileage: about 50. Look at pig in bathtub. Take pictures. Start getting kids ready for bed. 

9:45 Homero arrives home. Looks at pig in bathtub. Tell Homero the story. Notice that the rug near bathtub is wet and smells like pee. Search for problem. Find that toilet has overflown.

9:50 Cry. Stop crying. Homero and I take chickens out and lock them in the mama barn. Get kids in bed.

10:15 Cook dinner for Homero and Rowan. Send Rowan to bed. Talk for a while with Homero about Long hours. Bite my tongue. 

11:00 Go to bed. Make a mental list of things to do tomorrow.

11:00 - 12:30 Try to stop thinking about things to do tomorrow. Homero comes to bed. Go to sleep.