"United we bargain, divided we beg."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

A Few Facts

In no particular order:

- Homero tilled up about 1,000 sq feet of garden space today.

- There is a whole lot of broken concrete and very many big rocks in that garden space. Also, there are two piles of broken concrete out in the back field, each of which is at least twelve feet high.

- Homero's shop needs some parking space right outside. We set aside a space approximately
30 x 40, but it was just a sea of mud and cars kept getting stuck. We hired a guy with an excavator to dig down to the substrate, but the cost of fill and surfacing is prohibitive. We paid for a driveway so at least now we can get cars into and out of the shop, but that 8 x 30 space cost us over a grand. At that rate, the rest of the area would cost about $5,000. Which, it hardly seems necessary to add, we don't have.

- I am way too goddamned fat.

- All the time that Homero spent rototilling, I spent picking up rocks and chunks of concrete and transporting them via my garden-cart to the site of the hole in the ground out in front of Homero's shop where he wants to make a parking space.

- I can shotput a big ass chunk of concrete pretty far.

- It would take approximately a bazillion cartloads of concrete and rocks to fill that hole in front of the shop.

- I'm pretty sure that the calories theoretically extractable from said 1,000 sf garden do not approach the calories theoretically expended in transporting aforementioned concrete and rocks, plus those expended in planting, weeding, harvesting, and processing produce from same.

- Did I mention I'm pretty goddamned fat? I have approximately a decade and a half of caloric surplus stored on my hips, belly, and thighs, so perhaps it isn't a freaking tragedy if I have to expend more calories than I reap in my garden.

- We don't own a machine capable of breaking down the giant piles of concrete in the back field into pieces that we could even theoretically transport.

- I don't even know what a machine like that is called. How can I rent one if I don't know what it is called?

- I have weak ankles. I am in here writing this post instead of outside picking up rocks because my ankle gave way without warning and I fell down hard and not only twisted my ankle but also scraped the heck out of my knee.

Put all these facts together however you see fit. If you can make them come together in any way that doesn't scream "Homero should divorce you and get a younger, fitter wife" I'd be thrilled to hear it.


Anonymous said...

OMG; this was the funniest damn post I've read anywhere in days, no - weeks! I'm crying here...Homero is blessed to have you. Maybe you could enter the summer Olympics with Concrete Block Shotput...?

Milkweed said...

Fact: you are hilarious. Homero is lucky to live with such a delightfully funny and smart woman.

Fact: I love your blog! Keep up the good work, both on the ground and in intertubes!

Jerry said...

I'm sure he has many, many reasons. Refer back to many of your posts for some examples, but I bet there are plenty more.

I suggest investing in boots with ankle support long before investing in the parking hole though.


Anonymous said...

I have said it before and will say it again. Love your humor!!!!Thanks for another laugh.

The 4 Bushel Farmgal said...

What a great post. I'm still laughing at the thought of chucking the cement pieces! And I would agree with all above that Homero is lucky that he has you as a wife.

WeekendFarmer said...

ha ha ha ...you ok : ) ?

Homero is lukcy to have you!

btw, on the bee hives - you might want to tilt it a bit - so the rain water doesnt store on top. That is what I saw our bee keeper friend did to our hives. He placed it on cinder blocks and few feet apart from each other. See pic in our blog.

Happy Spring!!!

Garden Lily said...

It sounds to me also that he's lucky to have you sticking with him in the mud and pigs and goats and garden adventures. Perhaps all you need is a good pair of boots to reinforce the ankles, and you're all set for more concrete carting.

Garden Lily said...

You got me curious, googling for "tools to break concrete" brings up drop hammers (only for flat surfaces), jack hammers (too heavy, I think), hydraulic splitters (drill holes, then this exerts lateral force to break it), and, my favourite, the hydraulic crusher (looks like a dinosaur head which bites down on the concrete pieces). Bewildering choices, but I'm sure if you talked to an equipment rental place, they could recommend something, although they all sound pricey, and labour intensive. And requires good safety gear to operate!

Aimee said...

thank you garden lilly! The concrete is out there piled up because last year we hired a guy with an excavator to get it out of the pasture where it was buried along with all kinds of trash. The former owners used this part of their property as a dump. It was expensive to hire the operator and machine, so instead of having him break it up and remove it - which he could have done - we asked him to make two piles. I have goats and they had nothing to climb on and help keep their feet worn, and I thought they'd like it. Also back then I didn't know I'd have any use for the fill.